Mail bag!

It’s official. I’m closing in on the last 10k words of Sabrina’s next book, a sequel to Carved in Darkness, so I finally have a few minutes to breath... although I'm pretty sure my editor would strongly disagree. Anyway, I wanted to take a few minutes to answer some readers’ questions about the new book and well… me.

Do you have a title and release date for the new book?

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, Carved in Darkness was not my original title for Sabrina’s first book. That brilliant title 100% belongs to the creative genius that is Midnight Ink. The working title was, although appropriate, boring. Same goes for this one. The working title for book #2 is The Muse and I’ve got my fingers crossed for another spring/summer release, 2014.

Have you written any more books I can read to hold myself over until Sabrina’s next book comes out?

Nope. Carved in Darkness is my first book, written or published.

Will Michael be back in the next book?

Yes. I left things unresolved between them because quite frankly, there is no way I’d be able to resolve their issues/relationship in one book. Michael and Sabrina have a long, bumpy road ahead of them but they’ll get there in the end. I promise.

 Is the entire series going to be about Sabrina or are you going to bring secondary characters into the forefront?

Carved in Darkness was originally intended to be a standalone novel but as it usually happens after you spend years and years of your life with a group of people who live in your head, when it comes time to let them go, you just can’t do it. You find that they have more they want to say and do and you feel compelled to let them… I have 6-7 novels planned out in my head. Some of them feature Sabrina, some of them feature Michael… and some of them feature secondary characters. Let’s hope everyone gets a chance to have their stories told.

Do you have a twitter account?

Yes… you can find me on twitter @thrilllingwords. Or you can just go to my website and hit the button.

Where have you been hiding?

In the suburbs outside Phoenix, Arizona, buried under a pile of kids.

Seriously, I’m an Arizona native married to her high school sweetheart with 4 kids (two biological and two adopted). After a lot of soul searching and false starts I finally admitted that the only thing I ever really wanted to do in life was write… and be a criminologist. Oh, and Olivia Newton-John. I really, really wanted to be Olivia Newton-John when I was younger. The Olivia Newton-John thing never would’ve work (for obvious reasons) and while criminology fascinates me, school has never been my thang, so writing it is. This way I get to study what I love (crazy freaks!!) and do what I love (write about crazy freaks!!) all in one felled swoop. And I still occasionally watch Xanadu and pretend I’m Olivia.

Have a question? Hop on over to my website www.maeganbeaumont.com and drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you!

The First Rule of Book Club...

is you do NOT about Book Club.

Come on, you didn't really think I'd talk about my first Book Club experience without referencing what is arguably the best Brad Pitt movie of all time (12 Monkeys is a very close second...)

Anyway...

I'll be the first to admit that CARVED IN DARKNESS isn't exactly what I'd deems as "book club" material. I never imagined a group of readers gathering in someone's home or in a restaurant to talk about my book.
I just never thought of CARVED as that kind of book.
Apparently, I was wrong (it does happen from time to time...).

A few weeks ago, I met with a group of women who not only chose CARVED as their book club monthly read but were thrilled at the opportunity to discuss it with me. I can tell you, they weren't half as thrilled as I was! What an honor to be able to sit and talk about my writing with such a wonderful bunch who listened with genuine interest and asked some very thought-provoking questions. One woman in particular had some pretty hard-hitting questions that I'd like to share as I imagine she isn't the only one who's read CARVED that has wondered the same thing...

How do you reconcile the role of mother to young children with the graphic violence you write about? How are you able to transitions between such extreme roles so easily?

Much like my protagonist, Sabrina Vaughn, I'm able to compartmentalize quite well. It's probably a skill I acquired during my days working in mental health. No matter what is going on around you or inside you, there is a job to do in front of you and you do it. And while you're doing it, everything else gets put in the box. In action, this looks like me spending hours dreaming up gruesomely horrible murder scenes and then when the bell rings (I have to set an alarm or I'll forget to pick up my kids from school... don't judge me.) I close down my computer and become a mom again. That doesn't mean the other stuff isn't there... it just means I've put it away for later.

How do you feel about your contribution to the culture of violence against women in society?

I can honestly say that while CARVED is violent and yes, that violence is centered around women, I never thought that I was contributing to a "culture of violence against women".
And I still don't.
What I did was give this world something it can never have too much of--a strong female protagonist who not only survives what what done to her, she perseveres. She fights and she wins.

Of all the questions though, this was by far my favorite...

I've read other books  featuring what was billed as strong, female protagonists but it seems like every other page someone is calling  her "baby" or "sweetie"--and she lets them without even batting an eye.  I read CARVED very carefully and didn't find one such instance. Did you find yourself ferreting those exchanges out in the editing process to make Sabrina more equal to her male counterparts?

No. No, I never went through the book to weed out what I thought were instances that would make Sabrina appear less than equal to her male counterparts. I never did that because I never wrote them. It honestly never even occurred to me to write them because Sabrina is equal and all the men in her life know it. They also know that if they ever called her "baby" or "sweetie" she'd go ten kinds of Tyler Durden all over them.

so, my question is: In your opinion, what makes for a great book club read? What books have been among your favorite and why?

"Prepare to be overwhelmed by the tension and moodiness that permeates this edgy thriller. Beaumont’s ability to keep the twists coming even when the answer seems obvious is quite potent."

--Library Journal (starred review, Debut of the Month)

Maegan Beaumont is the author of CARVED IN DARKNESS, the first book in the Sabrina Vaughn thriller series (Available through Midnight Ink, spring 2013). A native Phoenician, Maegan’s stories are meant to make you wonder what the guy standing in front of you in the Starbucks line has locked in his basement, and feel a strong desire to sleep with the light on. When she isn’t busy fulfilling her duties as Domestic Goddess for her high school sweetheart turned husband, Joe, and their four children, she is locked in her office with her computer, her coffee pot and her Rhodesian Ridgeback, and one true love, Jade

Official Book Trailer for Carved in Darkness!

I've been on pins and needles for weeks now, waiting to see it and now that it's here, I can honestly say that it turned out better than I ever could have hoped for! Erin Kelly of Erin Kelly Designs did a sensational job!

Now, didn't that make you want to buy the book???

http://www.amazon.com/Carved-Darkness-Maegan-Beaumont/dp/0738736899/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373778761&sr=1-1&keywords=carved+in+darkness

Plot Doc to the Rescue!

Holly says:

Maegan ~

I’ve done it this time. I’m my own protagonist. I’m up a tree. I’m in a corner. There is no way out. I’m screwed. Heeelllppp!!! Here’s my deal: I need to fix some stuff throughout my book, giving my protag a major case & having her comment/work on it throughout. I sort of alluded to that a while back, didn’t follow up so well. So how do I weave that in? Do I go back & write it in now, or just draw a line in the sand & tell people to pretend it’s there? 2) I left last time that Todd is on the way to Ollie’s. What the frick happens when Todd gets there? He’s got some ‘splainin’ to do as to why he ditched her for dinner, but we’re not going there yet, he’s going to dodge that & she’s going to leave it alone for now. Does he get derailed going over there? He gets called out on something? Or, he comes over? What did Araceli tell him? I’m thinking that perhaps she was dating a cop.  Araceli probably makes some snide comment about Todd being Ollie’s squeeze & how stupid it is to date cops or something, and Todd gleans from that. Or maybe not even that—just that she was dating someone right before this happened, and Todd thinks there might be something to it. Or… something else? Any ideas? As always, thank you in advance for your guidance. You are, quite simply, awesome! 


Hi, Holly!

Let me see if I can help... for those who are reading, I'm going to give a little plot synopsis to get them up to speed:

Ollie (our female protag) is an assistant DA and the daughter of a disgraced and disbarred lawyer... who just happens to be a register sex offender. When her father, with whom she hasn't had contact with in years, is viciously murdered and her estranged sister is arrested for the crime, Ollie wants to believe she's innocent. It's only when other defense attorneys, all of whom are were able to win high-profile cases, start turning up dead that she knows for sure. In order to save her sister, Ollie must find and stop a relentless killer who will stop at nothing to see that justice is served.

Okay. I'm going to address your questions/issues, point by point:

1) I think that giving Ollie s high-profile sex crime case is a great idea! It works for two reason: It will tie in with her issues with her father and if you play it right, will go a long way toward developing her story-worthy problem (coming to terms with what her father did). It will also give us a direct line to the killer... Ollie's opposing counsel could be on the killer's hit list. What if it happens to be a really good friend she met in college, or a former lover (this would be a GREAT complication)--that way the stakes are raised for her even higher. I'd go back and do an extensive re-write if I were you to add these things in--sooner is always better than later.

2) Todd (A cop and Ollie's long lost boyfriend who's made a very unexpected and unsettling re-appearance) will make a fantastic red herring! His sudden re-appearance in Ollie's life, in the mists of all these killings, should make her (and the reader) questions his motives and innocence. Thinking that Todd might be involved in some way (even if he's not) will up the stakes for Ollie even further, especially if she still has feelings for him. 
When he arrives at her house, there needs to be tension between them. His standing her up for dinner should bring all their old issues roaring to the surface for Ollie and she needs to hit him with some pretty hard questions (where have you been for the past five years? why did you come back? what do you want with me now? What did you talk with my sister about?) and his answers need to be vague enough to raise her, and our, suspicions... and then when the tension is at it's peak, he needs to get called away. If he leaves her house under murky circumstances, this will further our suspicions and his status as a possible suspect in Ollie's mind. Of course the questions pertaining to her sister and the case should take precedent over the one pertaining to their personal entanglement. Your story problem should always be the most important  thing on the page. Once it's established, nothing should derail your protag from solving it.

3) the idea of having Araceli (Ollie's sister) involved with a cop is a good one... just don't reveal which one just yet because this could potentially end up being a major clue into who your killer is and you want to save that revelation until the very last possible second. Reveal it in stages. When Todd asked her why she was in town the day of her father's murder, she could tell him that she was "visiting a friend" but she could say it in such a way that alluds to whatever is going on between her and her "friend" is more than just lunch and shopping. Then we can see Ollie pursue this angle... and then she's the one to discover Araceli's "friend" is a cop. Once you roll a "plot rock" down hill, it should never stop moving, gaining speed and mass until it's no longer a rock--it's a boulder and once we reach our climax, it slams into your protag with the force of wrecking ball. It destroys everything. Maybe even find out that Araceli is involved in her father's murder after all (either by choice, coercion or unwittingly). This would be a HUGE twist, finding out that after everything Ollie went through to prove her sister's innocence, that she actually was guilty to some degree. This would ultimately destroy Ollie... but in the aftermath, allow her the find the strength and resolve to finally achieve her story-worthy problem, which is forgiveness. Through forgiving her sister, she'll find the same for her father and finally be able to put her anger to rest and truly move on.

I really hope this helps, Holly! This sounds like a fantastic story you're telling! Keep me informed--I can't wait to see where your story take us.

Are you stuck on your plot? Don't know what your next story step should be? Got your protag backed into a corner with no way out? Give me a shout, I think I can help! Just go to my website: http://www.maeganbeaumont.com/ and click on the "CONTACT" icon. I'd be happy to answer your questions on my blog.

The Devil in the Details

By: Maegan Beaumont

He rolled up the make-shift tarp he’d laid out on the kitchen floor and placed it in a trash bag along with the dress. Undiluted, he poured the ammonia onto the kitchen floor and chair. While ammonia didn’t destroy DNA, any evidence gathered there would be corrupted by the chemical and rendered useless. The ammonia was strong-smelling, so he opened a few windows for ventilation. The early afternoon breeze made the chore of cleaning up his mess almost pleasant.

—Carved in Darkness

It took me nearly three weeks to write this paragraph. It wasn't writers’ block or a computer crash that bogged me down—it was my almost obsessive need for accuracy.

And it wasn't just this passage I nitpicked. It was the entire novel. I scoured the internet. I read books. I logged onto forensic forums. I emailed cops and asked them what I’m sure they thought were inane and possibly dangerous questions. I spent what felt like an entire summer in handcuffs because I was trying to teach myself how to pick my way out of them. After cutting myself in a kitchen mishap, I soaked the wound in salt water (If you've read CARVED, then you understand the significance). I've even gone so far as to have a very distraught friend of mine drive me around in the trunk of her car... all so I could be sure that what I was writing was as close to the truth as I could get it. Don’t get me wrong, I ask my readers to suspend disbelief on a regular basis but I can do so because I know one simple rule: 
The most effective lies are found buried in the truth.  

So, yes... I do lie. I do make stuff up, I write fiction, after all... but readers are smart.  They know things, because they read, and they don’t like it when a writer is too lazy to do their research. I know this because as a reader, I feel exactly the same way. I don’t mind being lied to as long as I know the writer took the time and made the effort to make me believe the lie.

The key to great fiction isn't writing what you know--it's writing what you can make others believe that you know, and that takes work. Hours of research. Reading and reaching out to people who can lend authenticity to my writing, but when a reader asks me if I've ever tortured someone (yes, someone really asked me that... and the answer is no) or a reviewer mentions how impressive my attention to detail is, I know it's worth it.

So, my question is: How important is accuracy in writing to you? How do you feel about shoddy research? How do you feel about writers who don't take their research seriously?

"Prepare to be overwhelmed by the tension and moodiness that permeates this edgy thriller. Beaumont’s ability to keep the twists coming even when the answer seems obvious is quite potent."
 ~ Library Journal



http://www.amazon.com/Carved-Darkness-Maegan-Beaumont/dp/0738736899/ref=pd_rhf_ee_p_t_4_S33D

Maegan Beaumont is the author of Midnight Ink's Carved in Darkness, book one in the Sabrina Vaughn thriller series, on sale now.

I'm Famous!!

Okay... not really.

But I did have my debut signing for CARVED IN DARKNESS a few weeks ago...


We had such a great turn out at the Poisoned Pen! Thank you to Darrell James and Matt Coyle for allowing this newbie to tag along!

Here I am, signing books! That's my grandmother, right before she told Matt that the reason I was so brilliant is because she's French... she's right, BTW. ;)

Me, Matt and Darrell, after the smoke cleared.

I was also asked to be a guest on a local radio show. I had such a  great time and I really got a chance to reflect on the long, winding journey the road to publication has led me down. Take a listen:

http://www.lifemattersmedia.com/2013/05/12/stay-at-home-mom-turns-her-passion-into-a-best-selling-author/

I think I did pretty good considering the fact that I was sick with some crazy mystery illness.

and then the husband and I took a much needed, long over due vacation...

the house where we stayed...

the view from our balcony...

the husband and me...

the fantastic group of people we had the pleasure of spending our weekend with...

and proof that I actually got some work done!

Get CARVED IN DARKNESS for FREE!

This is my very first book giveaway and I'm beyond excited!!
Cath, book reviewer and blogger extraordinaire, over at My Book Chatter is hosting, so shuffle on over and enter to win a personally signed copy! 










http://mybookchatterchat.blogspot.co.nz/2013/05/spotlight-on-carved-in-darkness-by.html 

What Hangs in the Balance

Like most things in writing, villains are a delicate balance. Not enough evil and you get this:

Too much evil and you get this:

The most effective villains are like this:

See what I mean? Delicate balance.

The weird thing is, though... true villains aren't balanced. They've leaned too far over the edge and lost their footing... or maybe they just swan-dived into the abyss. Either way, they're free-falling down a deep, dark hole. 

And they like it. 

They presents well. They look normal. They smile and talk. Give their seats up to little old ladies on the bus and rescue cats out of trees. They have children and drive minivans. And all the while, they harbor darkness.

Not that we don’t all harbor darkness—we do. We all have thoughts and desires we would never act on because not only do we know the difference between right and wrong, we respect it. 

We're balanced.

In order to write an effective villain, we have to knock ourselves off balance. We have to be willing to go there. You know, there. We have to be willing to search out the dark spots we keep hidden and poke at them until they bleed. To get the page a bit dirty, to scare ourselves silly. To dangle our toes over the abyss.

There have been times--many times--when I've written something and afterward wondered if there was something fundamentally wrong with me. My husband blames (for lack of a better word) my childhood. He's probably right.

Whatever the reason, I'm thankful for my keen sense of balance because no matter how many times I dangle my toes, I'm able to right myself without falling. 

And now, just for fun, some of my all-time favorite villains:

and last, but not least...

who's your favorite all time villain?

Maegan Beaumont is the author of  Carved in Darkness, available through Midnight Ink, May 8th, 2013

Review: The Rapist

Truman Pinter is a sociopath.

Like all sociopaths, he sees himself as better—elevated in every way. Removed and above those of us he sees as less. Less cultured. Less intelligent. Less aware. Less significant. Less… human.

We are but bothersome insects to Truman. Base, vulgar creatures who roam and rut our way through life without thought or care for things that truly matter.

Truman Pinter is a Rapist.

This is a fact he never disputes… in fact he admits it almost proudly. To police. To himself. To us. He infects us with his perverse perceptions and false logic. He makes us question the very things we base our own humanity on. He peels back the curtain and whispers, “there… see, you feel it too. You are no better than I.”

Truman Pinter is going to pay for his perceived crimes against humanity.

Or is he?

It’s hard to pin down, Les Edgerton’s latest novel, The Rapist. Is it considered a classic noir tale of a damaged man’s twisted path of self-destruction? Maybe it’s a gritty crime novel that chronicles an evil sociopath’s final hours… perhaps it’s a highbrowed work of literary fiction fraught with existential yearning.

The answer is yes. The Rapist is all of those things… and much, much more.

The Rapist is a dirty window used to peer into the blackest of hearts and the most vile of souls. A window that can never be wiped clean enough to make us want to press our faces against it… but we do so anyway, all the while feeling as if the black of Truman Pinter’s heart has tainted us forever.

It is a murky kaleidoscope of appalling shapes and unspeakable colors. Just when you think you’ve figured it out, just when you think you finally understand the vision Edgerton has set in front of us, it tumbles away, giving us another look from an entirely different perspective. A perspective we are not wholly comfortable with. One we reject, even as we unwillingly understand it.

The final result is Les Edgerton’s tour de force. A masterfully raw, brilliantly unabashed study into the heart and mind of the most cold-blooded sociopath you’ll ever encounter, on the page or off.

check it out!:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Rapist-ebook/dp/B00BOXQVF0/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1362685567&sr=8-6&keywords=the+rapist

Kid in a Candy Store

When a writer lands on a story idea, it usually happens one of two ways. It's either like being hit by lightening or like watching a seed germinate. Either way, once the story takes root, your head starts to swim in The Sea of Possibilities...

This is good--possibilities always are, but if you're not careful, you start to look like this:

or like this:

and then, eventually like this:

Having a fiction writer's imagination can be both a blessing and a curse. We spin straw into gold but sometimes, we get carried away. Every idea we have is a good one, every plot twist we come up with is absolutely paramount to the outcome of the story (or so we fool ourselves into believing), so we pile it on. We're gluttonous. Greedy. We have what I call Kid-in-a-candy-store-itis.

Before we know it we're working plot points for a paranormal, dystopian, sci-fi western about a half-vampire, half-werewolf who falls in love with a time-traveling mermaid... which, by the way, has absolutely nothing to do with our initial story idea.

Just remember to keep it simple. With roughly 1,100 years between us and the first printed page, an original plot is damn near impossible. Originality comes from our voice. Don't let it become cluttered and bogged down by an over active imagination or you'll end up like this guy:

  And remember: friends don't let friends write paranormal, dystopian, sci-fi,westerns about a half-vampire, half-werewolf who falls in love with a time-traveling mermaid.

Book review: Off Season

My introduction to Jack Ketchum’s Off Season (via Facebook message) went a little something like this:

So, blah, blah read this book and it made him nauseous, poop his pant, loose his shit . . . etc - no one will read the book - we thought you might be interested. LOL He says it's short but potent. Ruthless in fact. love ya

Made him poop his pants… how could I not be interested in a book that actually induced bouts of spontaneous defecation?

Needless to say, I was intrigued.

I scurried over to Amazon and paid the price of admission. Within minutes I was immersed in Ketchum’s world… a woman running through the woods, being chased—no, herded—by feral cannibalistic children. Whipped and toyed with to the point that she flings herself off a cliff and into the sea rather than face the fate they had planned for her.

We cut to Carla, a young single woman who rents a remote cabin in Maine for a month—a quiet place to work (she’s an editor) but we also get the impression it’s a bit of an escape. Carla’s personal life is complicated—a depressive, younger sister, a boyfriend she doesn’t love… an ex-boyfriend she does. She invites them all up from New York for the weekend; a quick getaway before she dives into work.

We meet an in-bred family—men and women and children—living in a cave set into the sea cliffs above the Maine shoreline. This is a family of hunters. They hunt people and they eat them.

Carla sees one of these men while waiting for her company to arrive. He’s walking along a river that runs near the cabin and she waves to him. We know almost instantly what fate awaits Carla and company and even though it takes a while to get there, once the ball starts rolling, it doesn’t stop. It keeps rolling, destroying everything and everyone in its path.

I won’t post spoilers because that’s not my style but I will say this…

This book is brutal. Viciously graphic. Unflinchingly grotesque. Unapologetically ruthless…and worth every penny.  In between recipes for man jerky (I swear it's in there) and how-tos for  human barbecue, Ketchum gives us some wonderful prose and a story about a woman who finds herself thrust into an unspeakably heinous situation and how she finds a strength she never knew she possessed.

p.s. DO NOT read this book if you are at all squeamish or sensitive to violence. I’m not kidding. Don’t even think about it.

Best / Worst week ever...

This was me last week. 

I was knee deep in final edits for CARVED IN DARKNESS. Knowing that it was the last time I would be able to fix or change anything else in the novel was a bit harder for me to take than I thought it would be...  I've always been a bit possessive of my work--I'm sure that as a writer, the sentiment is not a new one--but knowing that once I hit that send button it would no longer be "mine" made it even harder to wrap my head around.

This is how I feel about my work.


Once I turn it over to my editor, it will literally be set in stone. What I send back to her will be the version people will see and buy... hopefully. I became my own worst critic, nit-picking every little word. I literally had 30 pages of changes I wanted to make. It was insane. 

This is me going insane.

But somehow I managed to rein myself in (it might have had something to do with the fact that my editor told me that I could only make changes that were absolutely necessary). I focused on changes that were really important to the story--and then danced around my computer for a few minutes before I finally forced myself to hit send.

This is me trying to convince myself that it was all going to be okay.


So... I finally hit send. It's done. It's finished... final edits for CARVED IN DARKNESS are complete and currently being laughed at by my editor (I'm kidding. She's not really laughing... God, please don't let her be laughing...).

This is my book. You should buy it. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/Carved-Darkness-Maegan-Beaumont/dp/0738736899/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1360078173&sr=1-1&keywords=carved+in+darkness

I'd really like to thank my editors, Terri and Nicole, and my agent, Chip, for putting up with my ridiculous questions and my even more ridiculous quest for perfection. You guys are awesome!

Fade to Black...

A few months ago, I flew to Chicago for the annual client conference held by my agent. It was my first time attending, having only been picked up officially that August, so I was a bit out of my depth. I was in a strange city full of complete strangers. I had absolutely no idea where I was going or who I was going with. If you know me at all then, you know that these are things that usually send me into a tailspin… but I maintained. 

I was very proud.

As we were waiting for the train to take us into the city for dinner, I listened to people talk—“Hi, I’m blah, blah. Blah, blah has been my agent for 2 years.”

“Oh, I know you. My name is blah, blah. I’m with blah, blah.”

(not trying to be disrespectful—just don’t want to use names… or maybe I just don't remember them.)

“So, what's your name and who are you with?”

It took me a few seconds before I realized someone was talking to me.

“Ah… My name is Maegan Beaumont and I’ve been with Chip for a few months.”

I sounded like I was introducing myself at an AA meeting, but I managed to get the words out without any nervous stuttering. Suddenly, the young woman standing in front of me whirled around and after a few seconds of scrutiny, said, “You’re Maegan Beaumont?”

Oh. God. What did I do? The juvenile delinquent in me was screaming—No. No you are not. Deny, deny, DENY!!

“Yes…?”

She smiled. “I joined the agency the same week Chip received your manuscript. It was the first thing he gave me to read. I couldn’t get past the first five pages. I still think about it,” she said. “I’m pretty sure it scarred me for life.”

I didn’t know what to say. What did that mean? Was it really that bad? Before I could say anything, she saved me from imploding.

“Oh, no. It was really, really good… but it was too intense for me,” she said. “Most writers have this fade to black moment where they choose to leave the rest of a graphic scene to the reader’s imagination. I kept reading your work, waiting for the fade to black… but it kept going. I kept reading, waiting for it. Fade to black… I kept thinking, when is it going to fade to black? Fade to black. Dear God—FADE TO BLACK!!” She mimed flipping through pages, her eyes as wide dinner plates.

She stopped and smiled at me. “I took it back to Chip and said, “It’s really, really good and really, really disturbing. Here you go—you should read it. And now you’re here.”

I had no idea what to say—again. I felt like an apology was in order but I swore to myself a long time ago that I’d never apologize for anything that I’d written. Maybe I should offer to pay for her therapy…

She turned out to be the one person I really connected with in Chicago. We split a pizza and she admitted that I was nothing like what she expected. I took it as a compliment. We really didn’t talk about my work again (although, she did ask me if my husband was afraid to go to sleep around me...) but her reaction has stuck with me. Four months later and I’m still thinking about it.

Fade to Black.

I’ve tried writing that way but it felt… almost like a lie. What I’d put on paper was not what I really wanted to say—the problem was, what I really wanted to say was pretty freakin’ disturbing. I was worried what my family would think. I was worried how, if it was ever read by the general public, I’d be regarded (remember, nice girls don’t write about torture…). Would the parents of my children’s friends think I’m a depraved lunatic and keep their kids away from mine?

I was afraid of offending someone. I was afraid of disappointing everyone. I was afraid of what people would think.

I was afraid.

But you can’t write with fear—not if you want write with honesty and passion and all the things that make a book worth reading. Good writing isn’t always pretty or pleasant. It isn’t about what people want to hear. It’s about what you have to say. As soon as I realized that, I was able to let go of all that worry and doubt and just write. Instead of fading to black, I kept the lights on. I threw open the doors and windows and wrote.

And what I wrote scared me. Not the actual content… but it scared me that the words came from me so easily.  That I was able to go there without any real effort at all. I felt the strong desire to delete it off the page before anyone else saw it. I didn’t. I considered cutting it from the book. I didn’t do that either. I’ve come to recognize that feeling this way is a sign that I’ve written something that will affect people. And if we’re not affecting people with our words, then what’s the point?

Truth is, there’ll always be people who will be offended. There will be some who are disappointed or disturbed by the things I write. Who will see me differently. Who will build pre-conceived notions about what I’m really like. And as much as I wish it weren’t so, I can’t let any of that dictate what I write. I’ll go crazy if I do…

So write what you want. Say what you need to say, in the most honest way possible. Don't let fear or doubt decide what you put on paper. You deserve better than that, and so does your reader.

Fade to black. Or not...

It's totally up to you.

Release date: May 8, 2013